Personality vs. Language Barrier

I need to start this post with a little bit of clarification. Chile has been the greatest experience of my entire life. I love my friends, the country, and every thing about this new place I call home. I have met the greatest people in the world that I will talk to until the day I die. In 3 months, I have found people that I feel comfortable calling by the names of brother and sister. I could honestly write pages and pages about how fantastic everyone is, but at times I still have frustration. My problem is sometimes I believe I have taken on a task that I was not ready for. I'm trying to completely 100% submerge myself in Spanish and Spanish culture, without speaking any English.

I came to Chile for the challenge, but I don't think I realized how difficult it would be. I struggle to communicate my personality in Spanish. It's not that people don't understand me, but much more that I don't feel like I'm successfully portraying myself. It is something that can leave me feeling very isolated and stupid at times. I used very harsh words to describe these emotions, but I find them to be most accurate. Life is fantastic here, but it is no where near easy. Our perception of ourselves is a mix of self awareness y others views of ourselves, and when one aspect isn't complete, life just doesn't feel satisfied. It feels like everyday is a struggle and there is always something left out there that I wasn't able to really say. Frustration isn't something that happens only once a week, but almost everyday. I'm trying to be me, but in a world that isn't me. Not all of the problems relate to Spanish, but I feel like I only know how to blame them all on my Spanish. I'm currently having a hard time distinguishing between basic normal downsides in life and language barriers.

While at times Spanish can be very frustrating, it provides more motivation than anything ever in my life. A second language is difficult enough, but living in a country that doesn't speak your language is absolutely insane! The same exact insanity is the reason I'm here. It is because of this that I wake up every single day with a smile on face. Monotony doesn't exist in Chile, only challenge, hard work, and achievement. I just need to realize at times I can't win every battle.